Corona Virus

A Parents Guide to the Sports Shut Down

March 19, 2020 by Robert Andrews Leave a Comment

By Robert B. Andrews MA, LMFT

The shutdown of schools and all sports programs has created quite a shock wave in the families, homes, and lives of athletes who suddenly find themselves without a sport. I have been receiving a lot of inquiries from parents seemingly lost on what to do with their athletes at home. Understandably this can be a tough transition for all family members involved.

These losses not only impact the athlete, but are systemic in nature. They effect the entire family.

I thought it timely to provide a few tips to help parents cope with this stressful time that we all find ourselves facing.

Seven Keys to a Healthy Transition

• Normalize the first week or two. Look at this like a holiday for the first week or so. Athletes suddenly find themselves at home with little to no schoolwork, no structured workouts and no competitions. Let them sleep in for a while. I see so many athletes who are sleep deprived from their rigorous schedules. The grind of training, school, homework, and competitions has left many athletes with serious sleep deprivation. I see athletes that are 40 to 60 hours a month behind in their needed sleep! And we wonder why athletes seem to struggle so much with anxiety and get overwhelmed so easily. Give them time to get caught up. You will see they will be able to better handle the curve ball they have been thrown. They will handle stress, down time, the experience of being disconnected from their sport and lack of exercise much better with adequate sleep.

• Have regular family meetings to discuss how everyone is doing, where are they doing well, where are they struggling and where they need help. Your kids will resist at first, but if you do a good job of modeling openness and vulnerability and lead a structured meeting, they will learn to value this time together. The family meetings are also good times to discuss expectations around chores, schoolwork, training and any other topic the family needs to focus their attention on.

• Help your kids create a written planner for their schoolwork and training schedules. Our athletes are used to structure. They need structure and discipline in their lives. Especially now! In this planner have them lay out their training schedule. You might ask, “what training schedule?” Find out the most important strengths they need to conserve to be ready to get back in the gym or on the court or in the pool. Some might need flexibility. Others strength and conditioning. It is time to get creative. I spoke to a gymnast the other day who committed to do an hour and fifteen minutes of stretching at 2:00 p.m. six days a week. Her mother ordered her a rug to use since they have hardwood floors. I have seen videos of kids doing conditioning work on the roofs of apartments in New York City. Go for walks, bike rides, play tennis.

• Empower them to take responsibility. There are two key traits that determine what level of development we obtain in our lives. One is the capacity to experience empathy and the other is the ability to take person responsibility for our lives. This is a great time for them to step up and learn personal responsibility and accountability. Another suggestion is to have your athlete find an “accountability partner”. This is someone that they can check in with every day to discuss how their workouts are going, if they did them or did not, and why, and if they need support or need to be challenged to stay committed to the agreement they made with themselves and others. I can guarantee you that the athletes that take responsibility for themselves mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually will be the ones who make the best comebacks when their respective sport fires back up again.

• Connect with others. Today more than ever, we have the ability to connect with each other. Have your kids step beyond texting and set up Join Me or Vimeo groups with their friends and teammates. This will go against their nature to communicate via text, but it is critical that they learn how to reach beyond these methods of communication and make meaningful attempts to reach out in ways that they can see a smile or a laugh. They need to be able to see when a friend is upset. Connection is critical during this time. Text messaging is not enough. I have been using FaceTime, Skype or JoinMe with some of my friends on my Mac. The bigger the screen the better the connection. It is amazing how our faces light up when we see each other. It has made for a much richer conversation. I hang up filling emotionally full and connected to them. If they set up a team or group list, make sure and include EVERYONE! I have worked with far too many athletes who have been left out of group chats and text groups. They need this connection just as much as anyone else.

• Try new things to stimulate your mind, body, and emotions as a family. Try a family game night, movie night, bike rides or walks, reading time, family cookouts, or karaoke. These might get your family out of your comfort zones. This is a time we must get out of the boxes we live in mentally and emotionally. Challenge your family to get uncomfortable with new experiences.

• Expect your kids behavior to be less than perfect. They are under tremendous stress. Many have experienced profound losses. The loss of a season, connection to a team, identity, structure, meets, travel to name a few. Be mindful of this when you discipline. If things do get tough, here are a few tips to help deal with kids who don’t respond to your reminders. Some parents say that no matter what they do their kids won’t get off of their phones or video games. They just sleep and play games or are on their phones. There is a concept called “escalation of leverages”. It goes like this. If your kid won’t get off of their video games or phone, take something that they value away. Limit their data or take their phone away for a few hours a day. If that doesn’t work raise the leverage that you have on them. Take their TV out of their room for a few hours or day. Take their phone away. When they buy in to the structure that they need to hold themselves to, then the reward is that they get the data, the phone, the video controller or the TV back. Some time we have to be the wall with our kids. They won’t like it, but like I said earlier, they need structure now more then they quite possibly ever have.

I hope these tips help. It will take time and you will struggle. Keep at it. If your kids aren’t frustrated or angry at you at times, then you aren’t holding them accountable enough. These are trying times for all of us. When kids get stressed, they look for something to push up against as a way of feeling safe. If they don’t find it, they keep pushing. Some will end up getting in trouble with their behaviors. You can be that something that they push up against. It will be good for all of you and it will help them stay on track in their schoolwork and in their respective sport.

If you need help implementing these strategies feel free to contact me.

Peace and stay safe,

Robert Andrews

Cancelled Seasons and the Mental and Emotional Wellbeing of Athletes

March 19, 2020 by Robert Andrews Leave a Comment

By Robert B. Andrews MA, LMFT

The Corona Virus outbreak has sent a shock wave of anxiety and concern throughout the world of sports. Here in the United States MLB, the NBA, and the new XFL have postponed or canceled their seasons. The NCAA has cancelled March Madness. Entire seasons in gymnastics, baseball, tennis and numerous other sports have been put on hold or cancelled.

Athletes in junior high, high school and college are not going to school as we wait and see how bad this crisis gets and how long it last.

With the sudden halt of these seasons, and the lack of the structured environment that school provides, hundreds of thousands of athletes throughout the country must face a serious transition. This transition forces the athlete to face a number of key stressors and losses that could have an impact on one’s mental and emotional health and well-being.

Athletes must face and adjust to these losses:

The loss of a highly structured school and team environment.

The loss of routines and daily rituals.

The loss of identity associated with being a student/athlete.

The loss of the dreams that go with a promising season or key event.

The loss of an active lifestyle that stimulates one’s mind and body.

The loss of a highly competitive mindset in the classroom and in sport.

The loss of comradery and connection to a team.

The loss or ending of a career.

The loss of activities associated with campus life.

The loss of family centered events (games, tournaments, travel)

Uncharted Territory

Athletes don’t train for a critical event like this and the losses that come with it. The further along one is in their career the more difficult it might be to face this shut down.

Olympic hopefuls are facing the uncertainty of the Olympic games being cancelled. Years of training, conditioning, discipline, competing, mental training and overcoming injuries are now in jeopardy as the crisis at hand spreads. Altering training schedules and gearing down mentally and emotionally, if the Olympics are delayed. will take an enormous amount of mental and emotional energy.

Professional athletes are suddenly kept away from the game they love, connection to their coaches and teammates and a highly structured lifestyle.

College basketball, tennis, gymnastics and other sports have had their seasons end and dreams and goals shattered due to the NCAA tournaments and other events being cancelled.

The careers of some college seniors have harshly and unexpectedly come to an end.

At the club level in sports like gymnastics and volleyball, State, Regional and National competitions are on hold if not cancelled.

Sudden Change in Lifestyle

Along with the sudden end to a season can come a just as sudden halt to a highly structured and intense training routine. For many, workouts and training sessions have stopped. There is research
that tells us that when an athlete who is used to a very active training regiment suddenly stops training and being active, hormones and other important chemicals in the brain and body change. These changes can have a serious impact on the brain, mental and emotional states, personality, mood and behavior.

Warning Signs:

Emotional changes: Increased anxiety, frustration, sadness, grief, outburst of anger, despair, depression and hopelessness.

Personality and behavioral changes: Isolation, withdrawal, sullen or depressed. Outgoing personalities might become withdrawn and spend more time alone or in their bedrooms. Some might become quiet. Others might experience angry outburst and bouts of extreme frustration. Others might become hyper controlling in an attempt to gain control over a situation they have absolutely no control. You might see experimentation or increased use of drugs and alcohol.

This crisis could be one of the most significant transitions an athlete might face, depending on their age, level of competition, maturity and emotional intelligence.

Providing Support

Increasing our awareness about symptoms that they might exhibit as they work their way through the losses associated with the end of their respective seasons, will help us to provide the care they need.

If you are concerned about self-quarantine and social distancing, most providers are equipped to provide technologically assisted calls or sessions on the internet. These sessions can be very effective. Just make sure that your athlete is in a quiet private area, is using a tablet or computer for a larger image on the screen, has earphones on for privacy and has a pen and paper to take notes.

We will get through this and sports will return. In the meantime, let’s give our athletes the care they need as they work their way through the mental and emotional gauntlet they face.

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